Why You Should Always Give Before You Ask
By Carlo Kikson of The Fanbase Builder
Give before you ask.
For every request, artists can find three things to give.
Why it matters
Artists depend on many people. Gatekeeping media and industry professionals. Other artists in their scene. And of course, fans. Artists need all of them to do something for their career: stream, follow, share, book, write, buy a ticket.
The almost natural response is to ask. Emerging artists without much marketing or community-building savviness default to it. But when an artist is planning their debut, nobody is anticipating their music yet. A request from someone you don’t know is a terrible first impression and easy to scroll past.
So I’d like to challenge artists to flip the script. Instead of asking what others can do for them, artists can start asking what they can give.
How it works
Earlier, I wrote about Guanxi: the Chinese concept of building relationships through mutual exchange. A favour creates an unspoken obligation to return it someday. I think it’s a perfect framework for artists shaping their marketing approach, especially for a debut.
The mechanism isn’t unique to building relationships: Sociologist Alvin Gouldner (1960) described reciprocity as a near-universal norm: when someone helps us, we feel we owe them something.
Organizational psychologist Adam Grant adds that most people behave as “matchers”, trying to keep giving and taking in balance. An artist who only asks is running up a debt. An artist who gives first creates a reason to give back.
The list of things artists can give is endless:
To fans
- Attention: Like and reply to comments and DMs. Repost fan-made content and credit the maker.
- Access: An early listen. Personalized voice notes. Close-friends stories.
- Recognition: Remember the faces in the front row.
To peers
- Engagement: Leave meaningful comments on other artists’ posts. Share their releases. Add them to your playlists.
- Presence: Show up at their shows. Buy their merch.
- Help: Hold the camera. Lend gear. Offer a support slot. Make an introduction.
To gatekeepers
- An easier job: A newsworthy angle. Assets ready before anyone asks for them.
- Face: Publicly credit the sound engineer, the photographer, and the blogger who wrote about you first.
- Tips: Point a promoter to another act that fits their night.
Giving like this builds things that asking never can, such as attention, likeability, trust, a certain position in a scene, and goodwill
Yes, but..
This comes naturally to approachable artists. It might not fit the mysterious artist brands out there, whose appeal depends on what they hold back. Replying to every DM would break the spell.
However, for a mysterious artist, giving has extra value precisely because it’s off-script. One unexpected reply from an artist who never replies gets screenshotted and shared. So a strong strategy is to ask for nothing and give sparingly, but with great attention.
Take action now
Artists can turn this into a simple rule: for every request, come up with at least three things to give.
For example: Planning to ask fans to stream your next release? First, reply to every comment on the teaser, send an early listen to the three most engaged followers, and share one release from an artist in the scene on your stories.
